Personal Space with Toy Figures

The skill: ask, listen, and adjust

A person can express a space boundary with words, a gesture, a sign, gaze, or a device. “Please move back” names a requested change. The other person can stop moving closer and ask where to stand if the request is not clear.

Distance is not the same for every person or activity. A child may want to sit close to one trusted person and farther from another, or want a different distance on another day. Ask about the current situation rather than treating one measurement as universal.

A person does not have to explain why they do not want touch or closeness. When people need to share a space, they can discuss a practical arrangement that respects access and safety for both.

Materials for a pretend scene

Choose two toy figures, a picture or small book, and a large sheet to represent the viewing area. Paper figures or familiar symbols can replace toys. The child can control one or both figures or direct an adult to move them.

Place the picture in the middle and the figures on opposite sides. Optional cards can show “closer,” “back,” “stop,” “ask,” and “help.” Use symbols the child knows and provide a way to decline as well as agree.

Do not use the child’s body to demonstrate unwanted contact. The figures allow the child to explore a scene at a comfortable distance. They can change the characters, pause, or choose another activity.

Begin with an invitation to look

One figure says, “Would you like to look at this picture with me?” The other can say yes, no, or “from here.” If the child controls the second figure, wait for their chosen response.

If both want to look, ask where each figure wants to be. The adult can point to two possible positions without moving the child’s figure. The child may suggest a different position.

The picture may need to be moved so both can see. Ask before shifting a shared or personal object. A workable arrangement includes visual and physical access, not just a prescribed gap between figures.

Practice asking before moving closer

One figure says, “May I move closer to see the picture?” The other may say “Yes, beside me,” “Please stay there,” or “Move to the other side.” Each answer leads to a different action.

If the answer is yes, move only to the agreed position and check if needed: “Is this okay?” If the answer is no, keep the figure at its current distance or choose another way to see.

A yes to sitting nearby is not permission to touch, hug, or move another person’s belongings. Each action can require its own agreement.

Practice responding to a request for space

The second figure says, “Please move back.” The first stops moving closer and asks, “Is this far enough?” The second can indicate a position or use a familiar yes/no signal.

If the first figure already moved too close, it can say, “I moved closer before checking. I’ll move back.” The second figure does not have to explain or reassure it.

If space is limited, the figures can move the picture, use a second copy, or choose another location if those options exist. An adult can help find an accessible arrangement without dismissing the request.

A complete sample exchange

Figure A: “Would you like to see my picture?” Figure B: “Yes, from this side.” A: “May I move closer?” B: “Please stay there.” A: “Okay. Can you see if I turn the page toward you?” B: “Yes.”

A turns the page without moving closer. B looks and points to a detail. The plan meets B’s stated space preference and provides access to the picture.

In another version B says, “I don’t want to look.” A can put the picture away or look alone. The invitation is not a requirement to join.

A common mistake: treating silence as permission

A figure asks “May I sit here?” and the other does not respond. Moving closer anyway assumes a yes that was not given. Wait, offer an accessible way to answer, or choose a position that does not require taking the unconfirmed space.

A child may need time to use a device or confirm a gaze choice. The adult can ask a focused question: “Do you want the figure here or farther away?” Both options should be visible and possible.

If the answer remains unclear, leave it unconfirmed. The group can pause or change the scene. An adult’s guess should not be recorded as the child’s permission.

Touch is a separate question

One figure might ask, “Would you like a high five?” The other can say yes, no, or offer another gesture. If the answer is no, the first figure does not touch.

A person who agreed to a high five can later change their mind. The other person stops when asked. An earlier yes does not create continuing permission for every future interaction.

A child can practice with figures without touching another person. No one should be required to hug, kiss, or high-five to complete the activity.

When both people need space

Both figures may say they need room to view the picture. Ask what each needs: one may need the page closer for visibility, while the other needs distance from the first figure.

Possible plans include moving the picture between them, using a second copy if available, or looking at different times. Check that each person can actually use the arrangement. A theoretical compromise that blocks one person’s view is not yet a workable plan.

If no immediate arrangement works, pause or choose another activity. An adult can help with accessible materials and a safe layout. Neither person must surrender an essential accommodation to make the scene look equal.

When a boundary is crossed

A figure moves close after being asked to stay back. Pause the scene. The adult can state the action: “The figure moved closer after the other asked for space.” Ask the person affected what they want now.

The first figure can move back and say, “I moved closer after you said no. I’m sorry.” The second may ask for more distance or end the game. They do not owe immediate forgiveness or reassurance.

If a real situation involves an immediate safety concern, an adult should act to protect the child and seek appropriate help. The toy activity cannot resolve a separate real event on its own.

Communication and access

A child can point to a position, use gaze, sign, or select “back” or “stop” on a device. Arrange symbols and figures where the child can access them and give time to respond.

If a gesture is ambiguous, ask a focused question: “Do you want the figure farther back?” Wait for the familiar confirmation. Without it, leave the meaning uncertain rather than choosing for the child.

A partner can move a figure according to the child’s direction. Confirm the location before moving. The child’s decision remains theirs even when another person handles the toy.

Make the first scene easier

Use one figure and two visible positions. The adult asks, “Here or farther back?” The child can point, choose a symbol, or watch the adult model both. The scene can end after one choice.

If the child wants another step, add the picture and ask whether the figure may move it. Do not add touch or a complex group arrangement without the child’s interest.

A short demonstration without a response is valid. The child can stop or choose another activity at any time.

Add a next step

When the child wants more, introduce two different preferences: one figure wants the picture close, the other wants more space. Ask what arrangement each wants and show available options.

Another step is to let a figure change their mind: first “yes, sit beside me,” then “please move back.” The partner responds to the current request. A change does not need an explanation.

A third option is to practice a specific repair after a figure moved too close. The affected figure chooses whether to continue, adjust the scene, or stop.

Adapt the scene to the child and family

Families and communities use different greetings, languages, and ways of sharing space. Let the child choose familiar words or gestures while preserving each person’s ability to decline contact.

A bus seat, a shared table, or a book may be familiar in one family and not another. Ask the child to invent a setting. Avoid presenting one cultural pattern as a rule for everyone.

Do not reenact a real unwanted interaction without the child’s agreement. A pretend figure can create distance, but a real safety concern requires a response in its own context.

Set up a scene the child controls

Place a picture in the middle of a large sheet and two figures on separate sides. Ask which figure the child wants to control. If they want an adult to move it, agree on how the child will indicate the direction and when to stop.

The figures do not need to represent real people. The child can invent names or choose animals, vehicles, or paper shapes. If a real interaction feels uncomfortable to discuss, the pretend scene can remain entirely fictional.

Provide enough room to move a figure closer or farther back without knocking over the picture. The child can end the scene after one movement. No one needs to demonstrate the distance using their own body.

Ask about a place beside the picture

Figure A says, “Would you like to look at this picture?” Figure B can answer “Yes, from here.” Ask the child controlling B to point to a place or direct an adult to move the figure there.

Figure A may want to see the picture too. Ask where A can stand without changing B’s chosen position. The figures can be on opposite sides if both can see. A shared activity does not require the figures to be close together.

If B says “No, I don’t want to look,” A can look alone or choose another activity. The invitation is complete when the answer is respected; B does not have to explain the refusal.

Ask before a specific movement

Figure A wants to move from one side of the sheet to a place nearer B. It asks, “May I stand here?” and points to the proposed position. B can say yes, no, or indicate another location.

If B agrees, A moves to the named place. If B says no, A stays back or proposes another way to see the picture. A should not continue moving while the answer is still being formed.

A person using a device may need time to find “yes,” “no,” or “different.” The adult can keep the positions visible and wait. The child’s communication speed does not make an unanswered question a yes.

Respond to “move back”

B says, “Please move back.” A stops and moves away. If the requested position is unclear, A can ask “Is this far enough?” B may point to a place or signal yes or no.

If B does not want to explain why, no explanation is required. The practical information is the requested movement. A can describe its own need separately, such as needing to see the page.

A second copy or a turn with the picture may be possible if the materials exist. The figures should check the option rather than assuming that moving back solves every access concern.

A person can change their mind

B first agrees that A may sit beside the picture. After a moment, B says “I want more space.” A moves back. The earlier agreement applied to the earlier moment and does not cancel the current request.

B may later invite A closer again. A can accept or decline. Both figures have a choice about their own position; neither must maintain a previous preference to appear consistent.

The child can practice the change using a stop card, a gesture, or a device message. The adult follows the latest confirmed direction without demanding a reason.

Ask separately about touch

A asks B, “Would you like a high five?” B says no. A keeps its figure’s hands away and can offer a wave if B welcomes that option. A no to touch does not require an alternative gesture.

In another version B says yes to one high five. The figures touch once, then separate. If A wants another, it asks again. The earlier yes was to the agreed action, not every future touch.

The child does not have to touch a real person during this activity. A toy scene can demonstrate the exchange while preserving physical distance.

A handoff of a picture is not permission to touch

B asks A to pass the picture. A moves the picture to an agreed place; B can pick it up or direct someone to move it. The handoff concerns the object and does not authorize touching B’s body.

If the picture belongs to A, A can say no or offer to show it without lending it. B can decide whether that alternative works. Ownership and personal space are separate considerations.

If a helper needs to position the picture for access, ask where and how B wants it. The helper confirms before moving. A specific request avoids assuming that all assistance is welcome.

When a boundary has already been crossed

A moves close after B asked it to stay back. Pause and describe the action: “A moved closer after B said no.” Ask B what they want now: more distance, a pause, or another available arrangement.

A can move back and acknowledge the action: “I moved closer after you asked me not to. I’m sorry.” B may accept, decline to respond, or leave the scene. A repair does not require B to reassure A.

If the child does not want to replay the boundary crossing, stop the scene. A pretend exercise should not force repetition of an uncomfortable event. The adult can support a different activity.

When the room is small

Imagine both figures need to look at one picture on a small table. One wants more space; the other needs the picture close enough to see. Name both needs and ask what each person proposes.

Possible options include moving the picture between them, looking one at a time, using an available second copy, or changing seats. Check that each option is physically accessible and acceptable. A theoretical compromise is not enough if one person still cannot see.

If no option works immediately, pause or ask an adult for a different space. The group does not have to force closeness to finish the activity. Essential access needs should not be traded away as a lesson in compromise.

When the child uses gaze

Place two possible figure positions far enough apart to distinguish. Ask, “Do you want the figure here?” and wait for the child’s familiar confirmation. If the child looks between positions, separate them more or offer another method.

An unconfirmed gaze remains uncertain. The adult can say “I’m not sure which place you mean” and pause. Moving the figure to the adult’s preferred position would not be the child’s confirmed decision.

A child can also indicate “stop” by gaze or another established signal. The partner should stop the movement and check what the child wants next.

When the child uses a device

Prepare familiar messages such as “closer,” “back,” “stop,” “yes,” “no,” and “different,” if these are part of the child’s system. Give time to navigate without treating a pause as permission.

The child can select “back” while an adult moves the toy. The adult can ask “Here?” and wait for confirmation. If the child requests another location, adjust accordingly.

A device selection made by the adult as a demonstration should be described as the adult’s action. The child’s own confirmed message is recorded separately if the family chooses to make a note.

A group scene with three figures

Two figures are already looking at a picture when a third asks to join. The group explains where the picture is and asks where the new figure wants to stand. Existing figures can also state their own space needs.

A plan might put the third figure on the opposite side of the page or offer a separate picture if available. Check that the new figure can see and that the existing figures accept the arrangement.

The new figure may choose to watch from farther away or decline. A group invitation should not require the newcomer to accept unwanted closeness in order to participate.

A familiar greeting without a required ritual

A child may choose a wave, spoken greeting, sign, or no greeting. If a person asks for a hug, the child can say no. A family or community may have different customary greetings, but each person’s current boundary remains relevant.

In the toy scene, A asks “Would you like a wave or a high five?” B can choose either or neither. A follows the answer. The adult does not use a relative’s preference to override the child’s refusal.

A child can also initiate a greeting and ask whether it is welcome. The other person’s no is respected in the same way. The activity applies to both directions.

A school or public setting

A pretend bus seat or classroom table may involve limited space. Ask what is actually possible: moving a bag, selecting another seat, or asking an adult for assistance. Do not promise an available seat that the setting does not have.

If a child needs a particular seating or access arrangement, an adult can help address it rather than requiring the child to negotiate an essential accommodation alone. Other participants can state their needs too.

A fictional scene cannot solve every real setting. If a child describes a recurring unwanted contact or safety concern, listen and take appropriate action in that context.

A simple record of the pretend scene

If the family wants to remember the activity, a short note can say: “The child directed figure B to move back; the adult moved it after confirmation.” This records the action and support without inferring a feeling.

If the child watched an adult model the exchange, describe that instead. A model is not the same as a response by the child. Photographs or recordings are not needed.

The child can look at the note or decline. The family may discard it when it is no longer useful. The next activity begins with new choices.

End the scene by choice

Ask whether the child wants to keep the figures in their chosen places, put them away, or invent another setting. Do not move the child’s figure without asking if they are still using it.

An optional recap can be specific: “B asked A to move back, and A moved.” If the scene ended without a confirmed answer, say that honestly rather than inventing agreement.

A later scene may use different distances or communication methods. The important practice is asking, responding, and adjusting to the current person and situation.

Continue with BrainHunters

For another activity about requesting and declining an object, try sharing materials while keeping personal boundaries. The person can say no without giving a reason.

For language about asking before intervening, see how to offer help without taking over. The two activities can be used separately.