Waiting with a Clear Next Step

The skill: connect a wait to an observable next step

A clear waiting plan names the event that will end the wait and what happens afterward. “When this line is finished, I will put the marker here” identifies both. A vague “later” does not tell the other person when or how the turn will change.

The person waiting can ask a question, choose an available activity, use a communication device, or decide not to wait. The person using the item can state what they need to finish and whether they are willing to share it. Both responses matter.

A waiting plan should be realistic. If a person cannot promise the marker will be available after the line, say so and consider another option. Do not use a visible endpoint as a promise that someone has not agreed to keep.

Materials for a short practice scene

Choose two toy figures, a sheet of paper, and one large marker with a secure cap. A crayon, block, or picture can replace the marker. Use materials safe and accessible for the child; no ink needs to be used if a drawn line is easier.

One figure is finishing a short line. The other wants the marker. Place both figures where the child can see and choose whether to control one or both. The adult can model a conversation without moving the child’s figure uninvited.

Optional cards can show “finish line,” “marker here,” “wait,” “different marker,” and “stop.” Use familiar symbols or the child’s usual communication system. A timer is optional and should only be used if it is helpful and agreed upon.

Start with the actual request

The second figure says, “May I use the marker?” The first is drawing a line. Ask the child what the first figure is doing and whether the marker belongs to anyone. A request does not automatically give the second figure permission to take it.

The first figure can say, “I’m using it for this line. When I finish, I can put it on the table for you.” This offer includes an observable endpoint and a handoff. The owner must be willing to make that offer; if not, the group needs a different plan.

The waiting figure can answer “Okay,” “How long is the line?” or “I’d rather use another marker.” They can also decline to wait. The adult should not treat a proposed plan as accepted before the child responds.

Make the next step visible

Point to the line being finished and to the place where the marker will be put. The first figure says, “After this line, the marker goes here.” A small card showing the line and marker location can make the plan easier to remember.

Keep the action bounded. If the first person adds five more lines after promising to finish one, the endpoint has changed. They should ask to revise the agreement rather than quietly extending the wait.

When the line is done, the first person puts the marker in the agreed place. The waiting person can then choose whether to use it. They do not have to take it immediately if their interest has changed.

A complete sample conversation

Waiting player: “May I use the marker?” Current player: “I’m finishing this line. When it’s done, I can put the marker here for you.” Waiting player: “How many more marks?” Current player: “Just this line.” Waiting player: “Okay; I’ll choose my paper.”

The current player finishes the line and puts the marker in the agreed spot. They say, “The line is done; the marker is here.” The waiting player chooses whether to take it. The handoff matches the stated plan.

Another waiting player might answer, “I don’t want to wait. Is there a blue crayon?” If one is available, they can use it. If not, an adult can help find another real option without claiming the marker is already free.

What can happen during the wait?

The waiting person might choose paper, look at a book, watch, move to another area, or use a different available tool. Ask what they want rather than assigning a mandatory distraction. They can also decide that none of the options works.

The activity should not require silence, eye contact, a fixed posture, or hiding discomfort. A person can move or communicate while waiting, as long as the chosen action respects other people and the setting.

If the person needs an accommodation to understand or tolerate the wait, offer it. A visual sequence, a quieter space, or a communication message may help. Ask whether the support works rather than imposing a single technique.

When the endpoint changes

Suppose the current player finishes the line and realizes the marker is their personal item that they do not want to lend. They can state that boundary. The earlier promise cannot be fulfilled as stated, so the adult can acknowledge the change and help find another available tool.

If the current player simply wants to draw a second line, they should ask the waiting person: “I’d like one more line. Would you agree to wait?” The waiting person may say no or choose a different activity. Extending the wait without discussion breaks the clarity of the original plan.

If the endpoint is delayed by a practical problem, explain the new condition truthfully. Do not repeatedly replace one short promise with another to keep the waiting person occupied. A plan that cannot be kept needs revision.

When waiting is not appropriate

A child’s need for food, a toilet, medical attention, an accessibility support, or immediate safety should be addressed according to the situation. Do not delay an essential need solely to practice waiting. This marker scene concerns an optional shared activity.

A person may be unable to use a particular wait because the environment is noisy or the expected event is unclear. Ask what adjustment would help and provide an accessible alternative when possible. The child does not need to demonstrate distress before their need is considered.

An adult may have a necessary limit that cannot be removed immediately. Explain what can happen now, seek a practical alternative, and avoid promising a time or result that is not known.

A common mistake: “Wait until I say so”

This instruction gives the waiting person no observable endpoint and makes it difficult to plan. Replace it, when possible, with a specific event: “After I put this block on the shelf, I can help you choose a book.”

If the adult truly does not know when they can help, say so honestly: “I’m not sure when this call will end. You can use the book basket now, and I’ll tell you when I’m available.” The alternative must actually be available.

The child may still be disappointed. Acknowledge that response without claiming the wait is easy. A clear plan supports understanding; it does not require someone to feel happy about waiting.

Another example: one shared block

One builder is using a long block as a bridge span. Another wants the same block. The current builder says, “I want to test this toy once. After the toy reaches the other side, I can pass you the block.”

The waiting builder asks whether they can prepare their own supports. If those materials are available, they can do so. The current builder tests the toy once and then follows the agreed handoff, unless both discuss a change.

If the block belongs to the current builder and they do not want to lend it, the group looks for another piece or builds separately. The activity does not override ownership or turn every object into a shared resource.

Another example: adult help

A child asks an adult to read a page while the adult is putting a light object away. The adult can say, “After I put this object on the shelf, I can read the page.” If that is a promise the adult can keep, the child can see the endpoint.

The child might choose the page while waiting or ask another available person. They may also say they no longer want the story when the adult is ready. The adult should return at the stated point rather than silently beginning another task.

If the adult cannot know when they will be available, a truthful answer and an available alternative are better than an invented time. The child can ask for clarification or express disappointment.

Communication without speech

A child can ask for a turn by pointing to the marker, using a sign, or selecting a device message. A partner can show a picture of the finishing step and the marker’s next location. Confirm ambiguous signals and allow time for a response.

A device may include “my turn,” “when,” “different,” “help,” and “stop” if these are familiar to the child. The person waiting should be able to reject or change the plan, not only select yes.

A visual card is an aid to a real agreement, not a substitute for one. The current user must still be willing to hand over the item, and the waiting person must be able to indicate whether the proposed arrangement works.

Make the first round easier

Use a single visible action: one figure places one block, then offers the next block. The adult narrates “After this block, your turn.” The child can watch, select yes or no, or move the second figure.

Keep the endpoint short and concrete. The child does not need to count seconds or sit still. If the waiting plan is not acceptable, offer another available object or end the scene.

The adult may model both a kept promise and a declined offer. The important observation is that the response changes what happens next.

Add a next step

Offer two possible endpoints: “After this line” or “after I put the cap on.” Ask which plan both players accept. The endpoint and handoff should remain visible and achievable.

Another challenge is to revise a plan. One player says the line is taking longer than expected; the other can choose to keep waiting, use another tool, or stop. Both can communicate what they need.

A third option is to plan a return turn: after the waiting player uses the marker for one shape, they may offer it back. This must be agreed upon, and the item’s owner retains their boundary.

Set up a wait the child can understand

Draw one short line on a sheet and leave a small gap at its end. Tell the child that the first figure is finishing that line. The gap makes the remaining action visible without needing to count seconds. Ask the child whether the second figure wants to request the marker.

If the child accepts the scene, the second figure can ask, “May I use the marker?” The first figure offers the specific plan only if it is willing to share: “After I finish the gap, I’ll put it here.” The child can accept, decline, or ask for another option.

Finish the gap once the plan is agreed, then carry out the handoff. If the child changes the scene, clarify what the new endpoint will be. The adult should not create a long or unpredictable delay merely to test the child’s response.

Distinguish an endpoint from a duration

“After I finish this line” names an event. “In two minutes” names an estimated duration. Either may be useful in some situations, but a duration is only a reliable promise if the person making it can reasonably keep it.

A visible event can be easier to understand than an abstract number of minutes. The waiting person can see the line being completed or the block being placed. If the event itself might take an unknown amount of time, say that honestly.

A timer can represent a shared agreement when both people want it and the item will actually become available at the signal. A timer does not make an unwilling owner agree to lend a personal object, and its sound may not be accessible or comfortable for everyone.

What the waiting person can ask

“What are you finishing?” helps identify the current action. “What happens when it is done?” clarifies the handoff. “Can I use another marker?” explores an alternative. One focused question may be easier than asking all three at once.

The person can also ask, “Can you show me where the marker will be?” The current player points to the agreed location. A visual cue should reflect the actual agreement rather than an adult’s assumption about what the owner will do.

If the answer is unclear, the person can say “I don’t understand” through speech, gesture, or a device. An adult can help restate the plan and check both responses. The waiting person may still decline it.

What the current user can say

The current user can describe the task and a possible handoff: “I’m drawing this circle. When I close the circle, I can put the crayon on the table.” If they are willing to lend it only for one shape, they can say that too.

If the item is personal and they do not want to lend it, a clear “I’m not lending this one” is more accurate than a promise they do not intend to keep. An adult can help the other child find a different available material.

The current user can also request space: “Please wait on that side so I can finish.” The waiting person can say whether that location is accessible and comfortable. A plan affects both people and needs both perspectives.

Choose an activity during the wait

Offer choices that fit the actual environment: select paper, use an available crayon, look at a book, or watch the line. The child can choose another suitable action or say that none of the options works.

Do not require the child to perform a distraction for a fixed time. They may change activities, ask whether the endpoint has occurred, or decide to stop waiting. The adult can answer the question without treating it as a failure.

If the child uses a device, they may need a message such as “check,” “different,” or “finished.” The relevant words should be available before the wait begins when possible. Time to communicate is part of the plan.

A visual sequence with two cards

Place a card showing “finish the line” first and a card showing “marker on table” second. The current user confirms that these pictures match the agreed plan. The waiting person can point to either card and ask a question.

When the line is complete, move or turn the first card and place the marker at the agreed location. The cards should represent what actually happens. If the user cannot complete the handoff, explain and change the sequence rather than pretending the card is a guarantee.

A child who does not find cards useful can use spoken language, gestures, or another support. The visual sequence is one option, not a requirement for showing understanding.

When a person decides not to wait

The waiting child may say, “I want to use another color now.” If a different crayon is available, they can take it according to the group’s rules and ownership. The original marker can remain with the current user.

The child might leave the activity entirely. The current user can finish their line without a forced handoff. If the child later returns, ask whether the marker is available then; do not assume the earlier plan is still active.

If no alternative material exists, acknowledge the limitation: “There isn’t another marker here.” Offer another genuinely available activity or help the child communicate what they need. Do not invent an option to make the wait appear resolved.

When the current user needs more time

Suppose the promised line breaks and the user wants to repair it. They can say, “I need another short line to finish. Would you agree to wait?” The waiting person can accept, decline, or suggest taking the marker now and returning it afterward.

If both agree to an extension, name the new endpoint and what happens next. “After this one mark, I’ll put it on the table” is more concrete than repeatedly saying “almost done.” The extension should not silently become unlimited.

If there is no agreement, an adult can help protect the marker owner’s boundary and locate another option. The waiting person’s disappointment can be acknowledged without forcing either person to give up their rights.

Practice a kept promise and a revised plan

In the first pretend version, the user says, “After this line, the marker goes to you,” completes the line, and places the marker in the agreed spot. Ask the child what ended the wait and what happened next.

In the second version, the marker dries out before the line is finished. The user says, “This marker no longer works. I can’t hand it over for drawing. Would another crayon work?” The waiting player may accept, decline, or ask for another plan.

These versions show that a clear plan can be kept or honestly revised when conditions change. The important part is communicating the real change and checking the next option, not pretending every promise is always possible.

A shared turn with a book

One child is looking at a picture book and another asks to see it. The current reader might offer, “After this page, I can put the book between us.” The waiting child can ask whether they will be able to turn the next page or prefer a separate book.

When the page is finished, the reader places the book as agreed. Both can check whether they can see. If the new location is inaccessible, they can move it with agreement or choose another arrangement.

If the current reader does not want to share a personal book, that boundary remains valid. An adult can help find another available book and acknowledge disappointment. The example is a conversation about a real offer, not a rule that every book must be shared.

A shared turn with a building piece

Two children need one long piece. The current builder offers to finish one test and then pass it. The other can use available short blocks to prepare supports or decide not to wait. The end of the test must be visible to both.

After the test, the current builder asks where to put the piece and follows the agreed transfer. If the other child no longer wants it, they can say so. The item may remain with its owner or return to the shared supply.

An adult can help describe the sequence with pictures: “test,” then “piece here.” Pictures support the agreement but do not replace consent or an accessible handoff.

Adapt the language to the child and family

A family might say “after this page,” “when the block is on the shelf,” or use a familiar sign. Choose an expression the child understands. The key information is the observable endpoint and the action that follows.

People in multilingual households may use different languages or communication systems. A picture of the page and marker can supplement speech if both understand it. Do not require a particular English phrase to demonstrate comprehension.

Activities and household routines differ. Use a book, art supply, toy, or other familiar optional item rather than assuming every family shares the same materials. Ask the child which scene they would like to practice.

End with the actual outcome

If the handoff happened, describe it: “You waited until the line was finished, and the marker was placed here.” The child may then use it or choose a different activity. A recap is optional.

If the plan changed, name the change: “The marker stopped working, so we looked for another tool.” Do not praise the child for waiting if the promised step never occurred. An honest recap helps make future plans more reliable.

If the child chose not to wait, that is also an outcome. They may have used another object or left the activity. The practice is about making a choice with clear information, not achieving a particular length of delay.

Continue with BrainHunters

For another shared-object activity, try taking turns with one shared toy. It uses a concrete handoff and allows players to discuss alternatives.

For language about asking for a specific action, see asking for help with a specific problem. Both activities can be adapted to the child’s communication method.